There are a number of reasons why a teen might be placed in a foster home. Sometimes parents are no longer able to care for their children. They may be suffering from a terrible, debilitating illness. Or, they may be addicted to drugs or alcohol. On occasion, they may be serving time in a correctional facility.
If there is a great deal of physical and emotional abuse within the family, the judicial system may decide that the environment is unsafe and teens must live elsewhere. And it is not uncommon for parents to realize that their child is leading an uncontrolled life. Despite all efforts, the teen is unwilling to follow parental rules and is having trouble in school. Such teens may also begin to act out in antisocial ways. Everyone may agree that an outside, more objective environment, may allow the volatility to abate.
Teens placed in foster care are assigned a caseworker. It is that person who locates a safe home. If contact with the teen’s family is permitted, the caseworker arranges the visits. Though foster care is considered temporary, some placements last for many months or years. In general, the caseworker will eventually attempt to secure placement with a relative. But, that might not be what the teen wants, or no relative may be willing to assume the responsibility. Teens should voice their opinions about placement to their caseworker. Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, large numbers of teens are never be able to return to their original families.
Teens who are placed in foster homes tend to have a number of medical problems such as behavior problems, bedwetting or even a positive tuberculin test. Close to a third may be in need of corrective glasses to improve their vision. Because of past histories of neglect and abandonment, psychiatric treatment may be advised.
People who open their homes to foster teens may well have other children, even other foster children. Without a doubt, it is an enormous undertaking. But, foster parents believe that they are making an important contribution to the life of a child in need. Many consider it to be one of the ways that they fulfill their religious beliefs. And teens, whatever their backgrounds might be, should appreciate these efforts and remember that they are living in someone else’s home. They should not expect that they would be able to bring all the personal possessions that they might like. Although an occasional foster home may welcome a teen’s pets, normally these will not be allowed.
While they should be welcomed and cared for, teens should not expect immediate acceptance by a foster family. One should allow time to get to know all the members. Teens should treat the members with respect and honesty. That will facilitate the development of some level of trust. Foster families often have certain rules that apply to everyone in the home. But, there may also be specific rules designed to meet the particular needs of each child. On occasion, foster parents put some of these in writing. While discipline is a necessary part of family life, physical punishment and verbal abuse are not acceptable. Sexual harassment is never acceptable. Teens in foster care should never be denied food, clothing or shelter or required to complete extremely strenuous work.
At the same time, teens should help around the house with a variety of household chores. They should make their beds, keep their rooms clean and bring their laundry to the laundry room. Like other family members, they may ask to assist with meal preparation and clean up. But they should never be treated as hired help. If a teen is truly unhappy with a placement, a caseworker may be able to arrange another. But teens should be aware that there are a limited number of parents who volunteer to be foster parents. As long as the living situation is safe, teens should probably remain where they are. There is no guarantee that a teen will be happier in the next foster care home. If a teen feels that the living situation has become abusive in any way, the teen should contact the caseworker or another responsible adult immediately.
Many teens in foster care are angry about how their lives are unfolding. They have been forced to deal with enormous upheavals and adjustments. It is not easy to move into the home of complete strangers and adjust to their ways of life. Still, they should be careful to learn to manage their anger. Seeking the assistance of a counselor may be valuable. A counselor might direct the teen to healthier alternatives for anger management such as support groups and athletics. One can also talk to the foster parents. Perhaps they are able to offer assistance. And adolescents should remain in touch with the people who are important to them and have guided them in a positive direction. They can provide some of the support that a teen requires. It is not necessary for adolescents in foster care to navigate everything themselves.
There are teens that never appear able to find an adequate placement. They repeatedly run away or get into other forms of trouble. Some of these teens have probably always had behavioral problems, and these only worsened with the teen years. Foster care makes an already challenging situation even harder to endure.
There are independent living skills programs that can assist teens, usually between the ages of 16 and 18, with learning the tools that they will need when discharged from foster care. These programs aid teens in locating apartments and paying the rent. They have assistance with job training or securing a job. And teens are shown how to keep a budget, open a back account and other living skills. When appropriate, teens should ask their caseworkers to direct them to these programs. Remember, teens that live with their parents are generally not suddenly sent off to fend for themselves. Teens who are in foster care should not be expected to know all the myriad of details that are required to live on their own.
Teens who have spent much of their adolescent years in foster case should not believe that they are condemned to a lifetime of limited education and low wage jobs. After high school graduation, there are many opportunities to return to school. These may enable teens and young adults to train for higher paid careers. Teens can hold down jobs during the day and live frugally while they attend classes at night or on the weekends. It is not an easy way to live one’s life. But it can be done. And the training required for many well-paying careers may only be a year or two – sometimes less. There are cases of former foster teens that have been able to secure major scholarships and attend colleges, universities and professional schools. It requires enormous determination and commitment. But for those who are able to accomplish these goals, the rewards will be substantial.
Related topics:
Adoption, anger, child abuse and domestic violence, posttraumatic stress disorder, runaways, stepfamilies, violence and aggression
